What’s Behind Unruly Children?
Indiscipline. Big dilemma and big problem. Sometimes we do not realize these attitudes until it is too late, when the reactions of our children no longer bring us a smile but a expression of concern or anger. A refusal, a tantrum, a defiant reaction that attacks our authority or that of educators. How to solve these problems? or even more… What causes these behaviors in the little ones? Let’s see.
WHAT’S BEHIND AN UNDISCIPLINATED CHILD
Educators and educational professionals warn us: behind an undisciplined child there is, indeed, an incorrect educational model. We have to be clear about it , as children grow up they seek our limits and want to have their own autonomy, without yet understanding the rules of society. They can become demanding and authoritarian, unable to resist frustration, continual demands for attention, objects, complacency, and self-rights.
They are children who have not been controlled or set a limit. Indiscipline is essentially a lack of control and guidance on the part of those who have the responsibility to educate. It is true that each child is unique, that he has his own personality and a character that, surely, is not the same as his brother, for example.
But it is the task of all of us, whether as fathers, mothers, grandparents, teachers or psychologists, to channel each behavior to those limits where we have to learn to live in society respecting each other. In harmony. If a child does not see the limits, he will not stop finding more and more frustration, because his needs and desires will never be fulfilled. He will not know how to respect others, nor will he know how to respect himself.
Sometimes we can see many parents, slightly unconcerned about what is important to the child. They are educational models that are too permissive, sometimes even not very affective, nervous, incoherent in their norms. .. dimensions that little by little are modeling those undisciplined children that we all know and have seen at some time.
CONSCIOUS AND DISCIPLINED EDUCATION
To educate disciplined children, it is necessary that we assume a series of basic ideas:
-We have to assume our authority. But beware, with authority is not associated at all raising your voice, shouting, applying inflexible rules or severe punishments. Having authority means that as parents, we have the responsibility – and the obligation – to educate people who have to live in society. People who understand the rules, who learn to be independent, take responsibility and respect others. Our orders must be consistent and logical.
-Learn to set limits. They are essential when educating. Children should know what is right and wrong, what is expected of them in each situation, and what they can and cannot do. If these limits are consistent and are maintained over time, children will be able to assume them and will grow up understanding the rules. If they do not know where the limits are, we will educate young people with little resistance to frustration, people who are essentially unhappy and dissatisfied.
-Democratic education. It is basic. Any rule will have to be negotiated, also explaining what purpose they have. Children must be shown closeness and understanding, that they know that they will always be heard, that their words are important and that our rules are intended to instruct them to teach them that the society in which they live is also in turn, formed by standards. You have to set examples, establish an open, fluid communication where there are no blackmail or double meanings.
We must be careful. Undisciplined children are sometimes the reflection of an erroneous, permissive and uninterested education. As parents, as educators, we understand that having children is a great responsibility. It involves striving and serving in turn as a model, as guides towards a society in which we learn to be happy. And to be happy we must learn to respect, value, listen, give, take and take .. . all of this is taught to us by discipline .
Image courtesy Nicoletta Ceccoli
