To Console Is To Listen Without Judging

We all need to be comforted at times, but do we know how to comfort? Sometimes, we have very internalized certain ways of comforting that are not correct and today we will open our eyes to what the word comfort really means.

Be there in the hard times

We all go through difficult times in which feeling alone will not do us any good. But, look around you! You have many people who are there for you, are you available to them too? Not only must we want people to be always ready to help us, we also have to be willing that anything can happen, at any time, in an unpredictable way.

Whether they are friends or someone in the family, we must be there for them. But being there doesn’t just mean being in person. Being there means a lot more things:

• Know how to listen to the other person, even when you also have problems. Your turn will come when someone will listen to you and support you.
• Support what another person exposes you without criticizing, without judging, without criticizing and without trying to manipulate.
• Have an open mind to the problem that they may be telling you.
• If the person is depressed or in a very deep state of sadness, whenever they need to talk, be there for them.
• Take an interest in their well-being, in case they have solved their problems.

We all like to be heard, but really listened to. So if you are there for someone, who is for real, listen to them sincerely and care about their well-being.

But, sometimes we feel uncomfortable when we comfort someone, because we can only do that. Helplessness begins to make an appearance and you feel even a little useless. Is this comforting? How can I really help?

It is something that we must begin to internalize, to learn to understand the different reactions of people. Well, many will want to let off steam by talking, while others will prefer to do it in silence.

Learn to accompany someone

Whether a person wants to talk or keep quiet, stay with them. You only need to accompany her so much, to know that she has an arm that will hold her if she falls. That arm that lifts her does not mean that it will release her from the pain, but rather that it will give her strength to continue fighting and facing it.

It is clear that we cannot know what another person is going through and, even if what they are telling us or what they are going through is absurd, we must try to empathize and understand. Stop telling people who suffer that everything will pass, that it is just a bad time … Stop criticizing, telling them how silly they are when you see everything so clear.

Do not judge, because perhaps tomorrow you are going through a similar moment of which you are aware that it may be silly, but you are suffering even if you refuse to do so.

Consolar does not understand judgments, but accompany

Learn to be there for others, to comfort without judging how they think, what they are going through, what they are suffering. Just accompany them in their pain, let them know that if they falter, you will be there to give them a push.

Make them understand that everything is an experience, for better or for worse, and that sooner or later they will see that situation as something that is already in the past and has already been overcome.

Images courtesy of Jung Eun Park, Shiori Matsumtotto