To Be Happy You Must Believe That You Deserve It

Happiness is as accessible to you as pain is, simply by being alive and being aware that you are. Being happy is accessible to everyone. That is the first premise that we have to think about when we are drowning in those catastrophic thoughts, because the only catastrophe without a solution is not being alive.

If things keep going wrong for you, it’s because you don’t do things to make the opposite happen. You have surrendered to discomfort because you think it is what you deserve.

Starting from this reality, you can ask yourself: What have I done so badly that I can’t even hope to feel better? When you respond, you will realize that you do not deserve so much self-inflicted suffering.

That is why we want to reflect on what happiness is and what are the causes of many people denying themselves the possibility of being happy. It is important to know what mechanisms are involved in this emotional masochism to detect them and move away. Remember that to be happy you must believe that you deserve it.

What is happiness

Happiness depends on three fundamental factors: how you are, what you are and how you process that encounter between you and the world. Happiness, after all, is an attitude

Happiness is a state of mind open to experiment.

It may be that because of your personal experiences or the education you received, you have integrated the premise that you cannot be happy because you do not deserve it. But you are wrong. There is nothing in the world that denies a person being able to feel happiness.

Also, if you find yourself going through a difficult situation, remember that other people have already come out of the same or similar circumstances as you, the difference ?:  They believe that all their past suffering validates the desire to feel good again, with illusions, of to believe in people and to see the positive side of our gigantic world.

What mechanisms do we use to deny happiness?

It is important to analyze the so-called “death drive” that Freud explained to us, the phenomenon of learned helplessness verified by Martin Seligman, or the consequence of enduring very high anxiety for a long time, which leads to pictures such as derealization and depersonalization. Next, let’s reflect on why people deny themselves happiness:

• Learned helplessness: some people have adopted a passive role, in which they consider pain as something they have to endure and cannot do anything to avoid it. Learned helplessness happens when a person gives up everything and feels that they cannot do anything to improve. You no longer fight to save yourself.

• Derealization: the mechanism of derealization is when a psychological distance appears from the reality that surrounds the person. That is to say, it is as if his environment and context are strange to him.
• Depersonalization:  the mechanism of personalization refers to  a distance and psychological strangeness with respect to the self. The person does not strive to get out of that state or to seek happiness because they do not know what is appropriate for their situation. It is lost, broken, disconnected.
• Death instinct: it is very difficult to understand some behaviors such as those of anorexics, as if that strict and dangerous behavior was their power. It is what Jacques Lacan called “jouissance” and Sigmund Freud “death drive”.

What do these three phenomena tell us? Well, when someone hits rock bottom, they feel guilty and are not able to overcome their past, they  enter a state of life in which they do not live, they are only present, no more; and he does not feel worthy of being happy.

When a person believes that he does not deserve happiness, he isolates himself and adopts self-punishing behaviors to heal his mistakes. He does nothing because he believes that he is worthless and stops considering himself a person.

If you think you deserve to be happy, act accordingly

How many things have you given up or are you giving up out of fear, lack of self-esteem or feeling that you no longer find your place in the world? There are thousands of theories and techniques of psychology that can help you with your social skills, with your negative schemas and to program concrete actions. There is also medication, although they have not yet patented any for pain in the soul.

The best thing for the soul is that you reconnect with it to feel that it is hurt, but not dead. Your spirit loves to renew itself, you know what some say about renewing or dying and it seems that many are not doing badly at all.

So take out the strength that you don’t even think you have and fill your life with experiences again. May your life be full of experiences when you die, not dreams. If you don’t think you deserve it, then think about what your life will be like and that of those who love you if you still don’t believe you deserve it.

And do not forget, that if it is not you who gives you the opportunity to start building your happiness, no one else will be able to grant it to you. Only you know what you need and how to be happy, and the first option is to accept yourself and believe your worth …