Odious Comparisons
It is unavoidable. Since we are born, others teach us to take others as points of reference to build our own identity. “At birth, you weighed more than your brother” … “You grew faster than the neighbor’s boy” … “You have more toys than so-and-so’s girl” …
At school things get more difficult. The grades are a visible and forceful way of putting ourselves in direct comparison with the other boys in the class. Many teachers also use the resource of modeling some students for others to emulate.
We seem destined to always grow based on what others are and not on what makes us unique.
The effects of comparing yourself
Comparison with others is unavoidable. We are social beings and it is impossible to conceive ourselves as islands, which ignore others as points of reference. This contrast that we make between ourselves and others can be very positive: it allows us to understand that each one is different. From that recognition comes the virtue of tolerance.
The downside is that the comparison also includes very negative elements for our well-being. Especially when we have a hard time accepting ourselves, or a poor opinion of who we are.
In those cases, comparison becomes a practice that haunts us. We do not contrast ourselves with others to define our own particularities, but rather to disqualify ourselves or disqualify others. It is a vertical practice in which there is always someone who loses.
In that logic, a person only ends up feeling good if others are bad. And on the contrary: if others are okay, you automatically have to feel bad.
It is a practice in which the person is hunting for defects and faults. Sometimes he finds them in others and other times in himself. But in both cases, the central point is the negative element. This way of being in the world fosters a series of stormy feelings and emotions : resentment, envy, resentment, jealousy, anger, frustration.
The uselessness of comparing yourself to others
Although we are immersed in a world that does not stop comparing each other, it is important that we become aware of how useless this practice is. It is a wrong style of thinking, which in most situations causes unnecessary pain and basically does not add anything to your life.
What is better: a fruit, or a vegetable? Which one seems better to you: the student with the best grades in the class, the best painter, the one who sings the most beautiful, or the most supportive? Who would you highlight the most in a job: the most efficient, the boss’s favorite, the most punctual, the most hard-working, the most serene or the friendliest?
Each person is unique. It has different genes; a life story that often has nothing to do with that of others; a different training; dissimilar abilities; divergent ways of feeling… So how can one compare with each other?
Of course, institutions will tend to generalize, to impose schemes on what is “better” and what is “worse. ” But if you make use of a free criterion, you will realize that these institutions do it according to their own objectives and interests. That is why its parameters are relative and do not determine your value as a person.
If you choose to put more emphasis on perceiving the best in yourself and other people, you will notice that you become more creative and happy. You will put aside a heavy load, which, finally, is just a dead weight that makes it more difficult for you to move forward.
Image courtesy of Charly Amato
