No, You Are Not A Bad Mother

It seems that people look for any pretext to put ourselves in “fight mode”. Currently, a guerrilla has been created around the figure of motherhood (or rather the bad mother) which, as usual, the only one that harms is the woman herself.

The worst of all is that we are the women and mothers themselves who hurt each other, judging us very harshly depending on how we act with our children. For many that is the valid criterion, the only correct way to proceed, and the rest are reprehensible.

It is true that there have been, exist and will exist, unfortunately, mothers who abandon their children or are negligent. Even in these cases, we should not dismiss the woman as a bad mother, but rather as a woman with problems, wrong, who has made a wrong decision in her life and did not know how to do it any other way at that time.

The truth is that these women are the first who are not happy and the first who will have to carry the weight of their decision all their lives. 

We must be tolerant of other mothers who choose a different way of raising their children: as long as neither the baby nor the mother are harmed and are happy, what is the problem?

Why aren’t you a bad mother

You are not a bad mother if what your decisions really include is the well-being of both of you. Although it is true, specialists recommend following certain guidelines for raising the baby, the reality is that it is the mother who really spends hour after hour with her child, the one who really knows him and has privileged information to recognize what is the best way to raise it.

We are criticized if we breastfeed for too long, also if we decide to bottle feed. We are judged if we sleep with our baby up to a certain age, also if we put him in his room when he is so small. It is not good to accustom the child to the arms of his mother, but neither to let him cry in his crib … Are we all doing so badly?

No not at all. We are doing great, in the best way we know how, as long as we act under the arms of love, which is what the baby really captures and knowing what is best for him.

Because not all children are the same : some have a terrible time being alone in their room, and others, on the other hand, have no problem and can sleep peacefully. There are babies who do not get fat enough with the breast and need an extra supply, others on the other hand grow wonderfully and very healthy thanks to breast milk.

What is the use of passing the child to his room at six months in a radical way if both of you are going to have a terrible time? Why do you have to force yourself to breastfeed if that creates anxiety and you transmit it to your little one? Negative emotions out of motherhood! It is a stage to enjoy, be calm, calm and happy and thanks to science and common sense there are alternatives to facilitate this process.

May we never forget that we are human, and that we have the right to make mistakes and rectify. No, it doesn’t make us bad mothers to have ever screwed up either. We can start over and make amends for our mistakes and nothing will happen.

In fact, to give guidelines and advice there are already professionals that mothers can consult, so it is not advisable to venture to correct another mother who acts differently from you.

Don’t be an extremist, moderation is always the best way. Do not lose sight of the most important thing: what the child is really going to benefit from is growing up with consistent and loving parents.

Congratulate yourself on what a good mother you are and don’t beat yourself up if you fail sometimes. Raising and educating are processes that, however special and transcendent they may be, are part of life and affect our human nature. Thus, we will have to admit the error as a logical and consequent element of them. Nothing more.