Emotionally Intelligent Families: What Are They Like?

Emotionally intelligent families are the almost perfect cogs that make a society work. Thanks to these good emotional management tools transmitted, minds and people who know how to live are edified, who exercise respect, assertive communication, good problem solving and that empathy that unites bridges and feelings.

It is not an exaggeration; it is a fact. When there is an emotional climate in a home in which trust, respect and empathy run, children develop highly useful emotional and social values. Growing up in an emotionally nurturing setting confers roots, strengths, hope, and personal security. Nothing is as important in a person’s life as these pillars.

However, as we well know, not all parents are skilled in this matter. Sometimes, even thinking that the best is offered to children, we can be neglecting what they need most. An example of this is focusing education on making them the brightest and most intelligent, ignoring the need to be children, play and enjoy the here and now without pressure.

The 5 pillars of emotionally intelligent families

We could give many examples of the dynamics in emotional matters that occur daily in many families. The most common is the one that starts from repression and denial. It is common to educate children in the ” do not cry, do not yell, shut up and do not get angry”  or in the classic “what happens to you is silly, you are old for these things”.

The funny thing is that the parents who inoculate these ideas in the little ones also practice them. They are couples in which emotional communication is not present, that with which they can express needs and concerns in an assertive and respectful way. So one thing we need to understand first is that children will rarely demonstrate something they don’t see.

That is, if they do not appreciate in their parents a fluid, spontaneous communication, rich in words, emotions and empathy, it is very likely that they will not apply it either. Modeling is also key in emotional intelligence : imitating what we see is an indisputable pillar in parenting and education.

There is also another decisive fact that we must consider. Studies such as those carried out at the University of Malaga (Spain) remind us that mental health and emotional intelligence go hand in hand. Those children who are educated in this context show better psychological well-being. Let’s see what are the dimensions that define emotionally intelligent families.

1. Knowing how to listen without haste, without judgment and with respect

As adults, we tend to minimize children’s emotions and concerns. Almost without realizing it, we end up saying “that’s nothing”, downplaying what the little ones feel. We need to put that custom aside. Also the natural urge to want to quell or instantly solve every problem that our children experience.

The first step is to try to get them to explain to us what they feel, what happens to them and what they think. In order for them to do so naturally, we must create a climate of appreciation and respect. Knowing how to listen without interrupting and giving them security at all times makes it easier for them to acquire communication and relief skills.

2. Parents take care of themselves emotionally

Emotionally intelligent families are made up of members skilled in these skills. That is to say, it is not just about educating children in this matter. If a father or mother does not take care of themselves emotionally, they will have little to offer to their loved ones.

Therefore, it is important to monitor ourselves to attend to what we need and manage daily stress without forgetting to practice that much-needed self-care.

3. They focus on meaningful connection

There is something that emotionally intelligent families are clear about. Being a family unit does not just mean living under the same roof, it is above all creating meaningful connections between its members. It is knowing how the couple is doing, worrying about understanding what the children feel and need at all times.

To this must be added the ability to communicate effectively, empathize, become aware of the emotions of other family members and act accordingly.

4. They see their children’s difficult emotions as opportunities to offer learning.

Tantrums are not the end of the world. Anger, a cry or a frustration are not states to shun or save for after dinner. Emotionally intelligent families see children’s negative emotions as instants for empathy.

They know that children are in that stage where emotions overcome them. If there is something that they are clear about, it is that as parents they must guide them in that self-regulation and understanding of what they feel.

The first step is to help them identify what they are feeling. The second is to give them strategies to handle these situations and not to get impulsively carried away by difficult emotions. And although they are aware that this work takes time, they know that it is their role.

5. Emotionally intelligent families develop intrinsic motivation in children

Something that is applied frequently in the day to day of children is the reinforcement for rewards. Behaving well, doing certain tasks or getting good grades is always oriented towards rewards that the child yearns to achieve. With this, what is achieved is that the little ones do not develop the pleasure to see the achievements before their own effort. It is not the right thing to do.

One dimension that emotionally intelligent families instill in their children is intrinsic motivation. They also try to be their example, that modeling from which to learn the pleasure of the challenge, perseverance, knowing how to regulate emotions to achieve goals and thereby reinforce self-concept and self-esteem.

To conclude, being aware that the emotional plane is that area that cannot be neglected in every family unit, will directly revert to the happiness and psychological balance of all its members. Let’s put it into practice.