Criticism Will Affect Me As Much As I Let It Affect Me

Criticism will affect me as much as I let it affect me. I have spent half my life taking too much into account other people’s opinions, painful comments, and advice on how I should approach my existence on the part of people who appeared to know me.

Life is too short to focus our attention on minds that are not ours, and even more on approaches that are not useful to us, and that do not favor our personal growth at all.

A critic confronts us with our essence

Whoever says that “criticism does not affect me in the least” is not entirely true. They all impact us in some way. All criticism is a confrontation with our essence, with our way of acting. To our schemes.

If criticism is constructive and we take the step of accepting it, confronting it, integrating it and learning from it, it will be a clear example of inner growth. And this is always a good gesture.

Now … What do we do in those cases in which criticism comes from people who are significant to us? A painful comment from our family, friends or partner always ends up violating our self-esteem in some way. And we must know how to face them, know how to manage them.

Criticism can influence our self-esteem

There should always come a time throughout our life cycle when we would have to be invulnerable to negative criticism, to those toxic and harmful comments. We are sure that many of our readers have already succeeded. Others, on the other hand, are in the process.

All of us hold a criticism with special annoyance. Whether it was in our childhood with that of “you are clumsy, you do not know how to do anything” , or later in the mouths of one of our partners, they undoubtedly evoke clear attacks on a self-esteem that day by day, we strive to cultivate, to strengthen.

How do criticism affect us?

It is important to take into account how these unconstructive personal attacks can modify us, and the need to know how to redirect them to protect ourselves. To raise our battlements before those harmful and unkind criticisms from people who supposedly “love us”.

• A personal, harmful and unhelpful criticism has a direct impact on our emotions.
• An emotion has its direct echo in our thoughts. I feel bad … For what reason? “Because my partner has told me that I do not know how to do anything, that without him I would not do anything in this world.”
• If we give importance to criticism, it will affect our thinking patterns and attributions: Am I really a useless person?
• All this will finally make our self-esteem fragmented and broken like a tissue.

Criticism should affect you as much as you allow it

It has taken you a long time to get to where you are. You have your own past of overcoming, with battles that only you know you have fought and that define you in the great person you are now. What need is there to give value at this point in life to these poisoned criticisms? It is not worth paying attention to them: it is going backwards, regressing.

What to do when faced with a criticism?

Whoever loves you does not harm you, and even less does he throw useless criticisms on you that only seek to do harm. Therefore, it would be very useful if you carry out the following strategy each time you receive a sharp comment:

• Visualize a golden chest. When you receive a criticism, the first thing you should do is keep your self-esteem there : well protected and under lock and key.
• Now analyze the received comment with coldness and temper. Be frank with yourself : Is this criticism constructive? Is there any truth to it? If so, analyze it, integrate it, learn from it and grow to feed your self-esteem with it as well.

• Then disable it. Don’t give it any importance. Because by doing so, by allowing anger to unnerve you, you will be anchored to that negative emotion, and even more so, that person who has dedicated it to you.

Remember once again that phrase of Buddha, “who angers you dominates you.” It is not worth it, it will always be better to visualize that criticism as a dry leaf blown by the wind. It is nothing, just noise, just a cold air that does not deserve your attention or your warmth. It will pass and it will disappear.

Images courtesy of Mary Chem, Art Mediaphic, Alec Jim