Come Anxiety, I’m Waiting For You

We often consider that anxiety is a state we should never be in  and we argue it with phrases such as “feeling anxiety is weak”, “you can go crazy for being anxious”, “if I am anxious others will notice and think badly of my ”, etc.

Everything usually starts with some problematic situation in our life that poses a threat to us. When interpreted in this way, a whole series of physiological mechanisms are set in motion, destined to flee from the threat or to fight against it. This is the famous fight / flight response.

The problem is that in addition to this primary problem, there is almost always a secondary problem: we get anxious because we are anxious, it is as if we are afraid of our own fear and that is when we get stuck in a vicious circle from which it is difficult to escape.

Why do we fear our anxiety?

All baseless fears come from well-known irrational beliefs. Those absolutist and exaggerated truths that have been instilled in us throughout our lives and that we have made ours.

Therefore, the fear of anxiety was not going to be less. They have told us things like “we must be strong”, “anxiety can kill you or drive you crazy”, “intelligent and strong people do not get anxious”, “being anxious takes you away from others”.

Fortunately, these beliefs are not real. Anxiety is a basic and primary emotion, all animals feel it at some time in life and also thanks to it we have been able to survive as a species and as individuals.

With which, anxiety is not bad in its measure and in its moment, in fact thinking like this is what often transforms it into an uncontrolled demon. It does not kill, it saves our lives and it does not make us less strong or more vulnerable, on the contrary, it makes us human.

Embracing anxiety

If we want to be less anxious, the first step is not wanting to be less anxious. It seems contradictory but in psychology the paradox occurs in many situations.

That is, if we demand that we not be anxious people – meaning that we demand that we do not tolerate an iota of anxiety – in the end we will become more anxious. We will have the feeling that we have not met our expectations, which are usually unrealistic.

The mental exercise we have to do is to change the demand for the preference.  That is to say, tolerating that as humans that we are, many times in our life we ​​are going to feel anxiety and that is neither bad nor good, it is simply normal.

On the other hand, it is convenient that we stop considering anxiety as a horrible and unbearable emotion. It is true that the physiological symptoms of anxiety can be very annoying and unpleasant, but it is also annoying and unpleasant on a very hot day, having a fever or having a headache.

The last point is unconditional acceptance of oneself as an imperfect person. Being anxious means nothing more than being anxious and you don’t have to think about it any more. It does not mean that we are weak, sick, or inferior to anyone.

Therefore, look anxiety in the eyes, let it come to you, feel it, hug it, tell it that it is a bit heavy but that you do not like it too bad. Only when you do all of this and really love her, will you be able to get rid of her.