Assertiveness: The Importance Of Knowing How To Say No

Assertiveness is the ability of the human being to relate and communicate with other people, respecting the rights of oneself and of others. Which, among other things, implies knowing how to say no.

In this sense, it is worth mentioning that it is necessary to learn to set limits, to be in control of one’s life, avoiding giving in to manipulations and emotional blackmail.

Thus, the more assertiveness shown, the greater the confidence that one develops. But what is an assertive person like? He is someone who knows how to express his wishes in a kind, direct, honest and polite way.

It is about knowing how to find a balance between two equally bad extremes :

• Passivity and submission.
• Aggression and imposition.

To be assertive, you must learn to determine when to refuse and in what situations to say yes and accept the request of others. So that you know how to defend your rights, without hurting, offending or harming anyone. 

Assertiveness: the importance of knowing how to say no

One of the keys to assertiveness is knowing how to say no. This, at first, can be very difficult. Well, one may have been educated to please and please others, coming to feel fear or guilt for refusing to do something in a given situation.

To learn how to say no, it is important to know yourself and be clear about the scale of values ​​you have and what are the foundations on which one relies to select those things that you want, or not, to do.

This is essential to make decisions in a reasoned way and based on convictions, avoiding hasty and impulsive behaviors that one may regret. 

How are people with little assertiveness?

People who are not assertive have a number of traits in common that are easily identifiable, among which are:

• They are susceptible to being manipulated.
• They stay away from any kind of controversy.
• They want to please, coming to sacrifice their own desires and needs.
• They believe that to be socially accepted they cannot refuse anything.
• They behave motivated by the fear of rejection and the lack of affirmation in their own ideas.

People with this type of profile need to change their way of thinking and acting, otherwise they will experience great personal dissatisfaction, sacrificing their own vital well-being.

The right to be assertive

Many people think that when they ask for something it becomes a kind of obligation to say yes. Thus, when they cannot do the task or the favor that is asked of them, they begin to think of various excuses to justify themselves.

However, all people have the right to be assertive, which implies:

• Saying no without giving explanations: with a “I’m sorry, I can’t” would be enough. But you can also make a more elaborate and empathetic response, saying “I’m very sorry, I would love to help you but it is fatal to me . “

• Not having to take responsibility for others, which does not mean that they are neglected. One thing is to help and serve those who need it, and another is to take advantage of the good will that one has. In order not to fall into this error, it is convenient to evaluate the situation, analyzing if that person really needs to be helped, that is, observing if the task that one is asked could be carried out by the other person without problem.

Ultimately, it is important to know and internalize that you are not obliged to do anything, that saying is not a personal right that must be put into practice with assertiveness.