Why We Fall In Love With The Impossible
Perhaps it is because we read or watch many love stories or that we really like to suffer. However, there are not many logical explanations to understand why we fall in love with the impossible.
What you cannot have, be it the boyfriend of a friend, a movie star or someone who does not correspond to us, is usually what most catches our attention and attracts us. Of course, many times the heart has reasons that reason does not understand, as the saying goes. If the impossible are something common in your life maybe this article can help you.
Looking for answers to why we fall in love with the impossible
Has it happened more than once to “keep an eye” on someone you couldn’t have for different reasons? Do you tend to look more at a married or engaged person? Do you love forbidden situations?
Of course, everyone has the right to do what they want in their life, but the problem lies in how much we suffer from our decisions, habits or choices. When we fall in love with the impossible, the reasons can be many:
Value what you can’t have
It happens in several areas. We always want what is missing, what is impossible to achieve or what is exclusive. This applies when we do the shopping, when we look for a job … or when we like someone!
For example, in the case of falling in love with a married man, you may think that if that person is “busy” it is because it is really worth it. Thus, if you have noticed it and you are sure that there are more people who value it positively, your attraction will increase.
The psychologist Roy Baumeister of the University of Florida proposes an interesting theory related to the market analysis applied to a love relationship. Baumeister, assures that someone unattainable would be equivalent to a luxury object. In this way, the more difficult to obtain, the more valuable. The logic behind this analysis is that limited resources increase their price, just as abundant resources decrease it. Thus, when someone is engaged, it would be seen as a luxury object due to its difficult or impossible accessibility.
The attraction to challenges
Since we usually have a very monotonous and routine life, we look for a way to change the day to day. That is why we choose to go on vacation to an exotic destination, eat in a restaurant that offers international dishes or, perhaps, we fall in love with the impossible, with a person difficult to conquer.
We can’t handle the routine and one way to try to break it is to break the rules somewhere. Stop being the one who always does the right thing to be able to give someone reasons so that they can really censor you and not, perhaps, for the mistakes you make unintentionally.
Lack of confidence or self-esteem
It can be love, but it also works for other purposes. There are many people who only know how to set almost impossible goals. By doing this they ensure an explanation in the event of failure in which they somehow do not consider themselves to be immersed.
Of course, this is an explanation that they have nothing to do with. The fact of not having achieved the goal set (they think “of course”) is only a product of the difficulty of the goal itself. However, they never say that the goal was chosen by them, betting beforehand that they would fail.
The fear of commitment
Another of the “excuses” for not having a serious relationship and settle for spending a while with someone who then has to return home or looking at our colleague from work sighing for his smile. Since they unconsciously do not want to compromise, they choose someone who they know will not reciprocate.
Inveterate romanticism
Many women love to think that they are the princesses or protagonists of the stories told by novels and movies. Of course, because the endings of stories are always beautiful … “and we eat partridges forever.”
When we fall in love with the impossible, imagining that the other is the prince of our novel will lead us to idealize him, to such an extent that there is a horrible fear that this love may touch reality.
If you are waiting for the knight to come to rescue you from the evil witch and that he must fight a dragon for that, you better wake up. Not only because dragons do not exist or because you do not live in the Middle Ages, but because the way to idealize a relationship may be preventing you from meeting the love of your life.
Many movies usually show us an ideal love, a love that, despite the problems, can with everything. However, reality is different. On a day-to-day basis, couples have disagreements, small arguments, etc. Accepting that a relationship is not as idyllic as the ones they sell us will help us to be more prepared to face small disagreements. If we create the expectation that an ideal relationship is one free of small confrontations, as soon as we collide with our partner, the house of cards will fall.
Let go of negative thoughts
Thinking that dating someone married is “the best I can hope for” puts you down and you don’t deserve it. Believing that falling in love with the impossible is the best way to avoid commitment may have to do with a previous relationship that made you suffer. Being sure that you are unlucky in love does not help you to know your “better half”.
Trust your skills and personality
Perhaps the love is unrequited because even the other does not know all the good that you have to offer. Don’t hide your way of being! Remember that you must first love yourself in order to receive love from others.
In one way or another, some people insist on turning love into an element of torture or a utopia, like perfection. By projecting their feelings onto a person that they cannot reach, they sabotage themselves from the beginning and imprison in many shackles the possibility of feeling a love that they can touch, laugh or kiss.
*: This article is aimed at women, but it is good not to forget that this is not an exclusively female phenomenon. But the same number of men, or even more, also insist on ending their love before it begins and, therefore, we think that you can also apply these recommendations.
