How To Face Motherhood And Not Die Trying
Motherhood is a unique experience that makes us grow and enjoy ourselves in equal measure. This does not mean that it is also a wheel of emotions; a vital stage of happiness, fatigue, changes and expectations that we will have to learn to control. Coping with motherhood can thus become something overwhelming into something really satisfying or a stage in which there are moments of both types.
Although while we wait for the baby we sense the changes that are coming and we think we are preparing for them, the truth is that when they come true many people feel overwhelmed. The arrival of a baby produces a lot of joy and enthusiasm, but in addition to positive emotions, such a great change destroys routines and priorities. It leaves us “upside down”.
Feeling that such a big change destabilizes us does not imply that we are not prepared, but rather it is a process that, due to its magnitude, puts us to the test. As with all processes of similar importance, we need time to adapt to the changes that are taking place.
We are people who add an important role to their lives and seeking balance may seem, especially during the first months, something impossible. But it can. In fact, we need to find a balance between our different roles in order to fully enjoy motherhood.
How to cope with motherhood
There is no single way to face motherhood, in fact we could say that there are as many as fathers or mothers. But there are some issues that we should take into account, especially if we do not want moments of anxiety and bewilderment to be too frequent or too intense.
Don’t try to fit external criteria
Motherhood is full of pressure and prejudice. Of stereotypes and criticisms that seem to establish a strict line that separates what is right and what is wrong. What makes you a good mother and what makes you a bad mother. Do not fall into such absurdity … and in any case, if someone has to determine what is right or wrong, it is the pediatrician.
Do not focus on what motherhood should be, but on what motherhood is for you. Give it your own, personal meaning, because if your motherhood is built on external criteria, it will be very difficult for you to feel good, to have the feeling of being in tune with what you do. Because the basis of motherhood is love, and real love is always natural. Therefore, follow your criteria and intuition. Build your own definition of mother and you will probably find the best mother for your child.
Co-responsibility
Mom and Dad are different, but equally capable, necessary, and competent. If we assume that both partners want the best for their little one, why don’t mothers usually delegate and / or fully trust the capabilities of our partners?
On many occasions, women assume all the inherent responsibility of motherhood, not allowing parents to be involved in the upbringing and care of babies with the same intensity. This is unfair. But then we complain. Other times we do not feel the necessary involvement on the part of our partner.
Holding either of these two situations is a mistake. Enough of comfort and resignation. The responsibility for the care of the baby does not belong to a single person (if we are talking about two-parent families), and it is really important that we make an equitable distribution of this great responsibility in practice.
Be assertive
You have a baby and everyone seems to have not one, but twenty master’s degrees in motherhood. They tell you, repeat and even insist that you do this in this way, or that in that other way. It doesn’t matter if they have watched it for five minutes or two hours, because everyone knows what is best for your baby. They even take the liberty of correcting or criticizing you.
Well, this is not going to stop happening unless you establish clear limits. .. so you should do it as soon as possible. The father and mother are the people responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of the baby, as well as for meeting his needs. Find a way to express clearly and politely those things that bother you and to convey that your partner and / or you make the decisions. Protect your motherhood from respect, and do not let disrespect be camouflaged between advice and opinions.
Park the guilt
Guilt is an emotion that easily surfaces among new mothers. Guilt for not being able to breastfeed, guilt for taking him to daycare, guilt for being late, guilt because he has gotten sick, guilt for not enjoying himself more, guilt for being sad … endless guilt.
Guilt can become a dead end. It is not constructive. It rarely leads to something positive. For that reason, change the guilt for responsibility and solutions. If you think you were wrong, try to do better next time. If you couldn’t do anything to avoid it, then you have no responsibility and there is no point in feeling guilty. And if you feel sad, irritable or feel that you do not enjoy motherhood…. For. Analyze yourself. Get help if you need it and start over.
Time for you
Being a good mother does not mean spending twenty-four hours a day with the baby. Many times we do not allow ourselves to separate from the baby because we do not think it is necessary or because we feel that leaving the care in the hands of another person makes us bad parents. Facing motherhood successfully will also depend on not giving up on ourselves as unique and independent people. We do not need to give up our professional career, or our friends, or our partner, or leisure activities. No. What we need is to learn to organize ourselves and adapt to the new challenges we have to face.
When you are a mother, you do not stop being a person. We cannot give up on ourselves. We can’t stop taking care of ourselves. We cannot park the rest of the areas of our life: we need to feel good about ourselves in order to feel good as mothers. Happy fathers and mothers raise happy children. It is a fact. So do not abandon yourself, because although motherhood is something precious and important, there is life beyond your role as mother.
Don’t compare yourself
Maternity is popularly sold as something wonderful, a unique and unrepeatable experience. And it’s true. What they do not tell us is that it is also a very hard time in which everything changes. Thus, we can feel that motherhood is overwhelming us, that it was not what we expected, that we will not be able to cope with it … And feel alone in this spiral of negative emotions while we believe that other mothers are beautiful, happy and eat partridges.
Sometimes all that glitters is not gold. But the important thing is that even if it was, it doesn’t matter. Because if you are you and your circumstances, in the equation of motherhood there is no room for comparisons. Facing motherhood in a healthy way is to feel like the protagonist of your experience and give your best while forgetting about the rest. What other mothers do does not make you a better or a worse mother. Motherhood is not a contest.
There are endless ways to be the best mother
There are as many ways to face motherhood as there are mothers in the world. Thus, the best way to deal with it is to make it yours. Get rid of unnecessary pressure and enjoy it your way.
A new person opens the world and begins to build his own. It is important that we understand that insecurities, doubts and bad days are part of motherhood, as well as life. It is also important that we allow ourselves to feel and accept that not all the emotions associated with an experience as intense as motherhood have to be positive. In fact, it would be rare if they were.
Motherhood is a jewel in the rough that we are polishing every day. Let’s not forget that before we are mothers, we are people. Let us remember that we are the central axis of our lives, the pillar on which our children build theirs. Facing motherhood healthily is sometimes nothing more than practicing generosity with ourselves.
