5 Steps To Change Your Personality

“People do not change”, “I am like that, what are we going to do”. We are used to hearing and using these types of phrases that advocate the impossibility of modifying the personality. For years there has been a belief that the way you are is a kind of life sentence, and there is nothing you can do about it. But is this really true?

We all have aspects of ourselves that we would like to change, qualify or improve. Especially individuals with personality disorders have been faced with the frustrating barrier of having to resign themselves to what they have been through. However, it has been proven that this may not be a losing battle.

What is personality?

We can define personality as a stable set of psychological traits that define the way in which the individual perceives, feels and reacts to himself and the environment that surrounds him. In the definition itself we find that it is about consolidated, stable and constant patterns of thought and behavior. That is, they are maintained over time and throughout the various contexts.

It is because of this same stable quality that personality modification is not an easy task. Personal habits are so ingrained that it is difficult to counteract the impact of a lifetime by thinking and feeling in a certain way. However, it is not an impossible task either. With work and perseverance we can influence our personality traits.

The Big Five Model

Various categories of personality classification have been established based on different traits. One of the best known and most used is the one corresponding to the Big Five model. In it, five aspects of the personality are reflected as a continuum between two polarities. People are located in different places of that range depending on our way of being.

• Extraversion : At one point on the continuum are highly sociable and energetic people, who enjoy contact with others. In the other, introverted, reserved and introspective individuals are located, who prefer solitude and familiar environments.

• Openness to experience : this trait defines, on the one hand, imaginative, curious and original people. And, on the other hand, those who are more practical, conventional and traditional.
• Responsibility: difference between individuals with high self-control, organization and reliability, from those more informal, careless and lacking in self-discipline.
• Kindness: altruistic, considerate and affable people are at its positive pole. On the negative, the egocentric, competitive and hostile.
• Neuroticism : differentiates those who have a tendency to feel anxiety, negative emotions and stress intolerance, from those who have greater emotional stability.

Can the personality be modified?

As in many other respects, the answer is not absolute. L os personality disorders are truly difficult to address and require more extensive therapy over time than other pathologies. In contrast, in healthy people, personality modification is a real and viable option. How to do it: in five steps.

1. Identify specifically what trait of your personality you want to change. It is important to be specific about the type of thoughts or behaviors that we want to change. To do this, first of all, find where you are on the continuum and where you would like to be.
2. Be aware of your ambivalences about change and create a plan to manage them. Change provokes resistance, it is possible that in the near future you will find yourself sabotaging your own attempts at change with various excuses. To avoid this, spend some time clarifying what your motivation is to change and always keep in mind why you do it.
3. Visualize yourself vividly and consistently with your new personality. The definitions we give of ourselves condition us. Get used to seeing yourself and talking about yourself in terms of the new person you want to be, and not the person you were.
4. Acquire the skills that are necessary for your new you. Identify what resources you lack and find out how to develop them.
5. Practice your new trait at every opportunity that comes your way. It may be forced on you at first, but eventually you will end up internalizing these behaviors as a true part of you.